Fragile Forgiveness
by juderr
Summary: Miss Wentworth puts Zack and Slater together in a pair project. They have three weeks, but what if everything goes wrong? The one where Zack actually puts effort into a school assignment. male/male slash. You've been warned. / Oneshot.


Author's Note: I rated this as M, these are kinda a whole new thing to me, so please forgive me if I got this wrong. I'd also like to inform you (my possible readers), that English is definitely not my first language so there will be a lot of mistakes, so if you decide to leave a comment, please have some mercy! D:

Anyway, about the story itself: Saved by the Bell is not as nostalgic to me as it is to most of us, but don't worry, I have watched it enough to write fanfiction (and obsess over it). I love to write about feelings, especially about anger and sadness, but I'm such a happy person myself so this won't be 100% angst or drama. This is my first fic that I'll publish in English, so I hope you'll read this as a new experience! If you liked, please leave a comment so I know what you think about it! Please comment also if you didn't, so I'll know what to do better next time. Enjoy! :)

"Why do I ALWAYS have to do a project with Screech?!" Lisa groaned as she packed her bag.

"It's called destiny, darling", Screech said with a dreamy smile on his face.

Usually Lisa would have said something sarcastic, but now she just grunted and left the classroom.

"I guess we're going to be a great time, isn't that right, Kelly?" Jessie knew Kelly wasn't the smartest of their gang, but she was ready to put effort into projects even though they didn't end up as she had planned.

"I have a good feeling about this too", Kelly replied enthusiastically.

"What about you, Zack? Who's your partner?" Jessie asked. I was still sitting on my chair, staring at the chalkboard.

"I can't believe Miss Wentworth put me and Slater together! She knows we are like... enemies, you know? EVERYBODY knows that. This project defines my grade, this is the only class that I really like – and then BOOM, I have to pair up with someone like Slater!" I complained. Why. Always. Me.

"It's not that bad, at least you know each other! You don't have to befriend with some total stranger", Kelly tried to comfort me.

"I have to write five essays with him, take pictures with him, spend time with him... this is just not fair!"

It was not fair. Of course I could stand him at school because I had to, but why did I have to spend three weeks with him?

Although I had my doubts, I decided to act my age and be a mature teenager. I really wanted to get an A, even if Slater made me do the project by myself. For once I wanted to show everyone that I wasn't a complete loser. And I kind of liked social studies.

A few hours later I found myself sitting on Slater's floor. He had a nice room, to be honest, it wasn't messy at all as I expected. We had my polaroid camera, a lot of paper and a binder.

"So, our theme is 'friendship'. You know what that word means?"

"Shut up, Slater, I want to get this done as soon as possible."

He had his mischievous eyes on me, I could feel him staring at me as I started to write things down.

"Remember nice handwriting, Preppie, I don't want to fail this just because you can't even write readable English", Slater blurted and grinned like he had just said something funny.

I tried not to care, I was so ready to smack his teeth out just to shut his mouth.

"So, what do we write first? Our thoughts about friendship?" I decided to be the bigger person in this, to be the mature one. I definitely wasn't going to let Slater ruin our project, even if we didn't get along.

"Alright. What do you think a friendship is? That you're just being pretty and waiting for girls to swarm around you?" I started the conversation, as Slater stayed quiet.

Suddenly, he hit me with a book.

"What the hell was that for? It was a joke, you bastard!" It really hurt. Great, I had been there for seven minutes and we were already fighting.

"You said yourself you want to get this done, so be useful and stop talking shit", Slater grunted and somehow... he seemed angry. Well, not angry, but kinda pissed off.

"I'm talking shit? It was me who started this project, you've just been sitting there complaining and whining about everything!" Really, I at least tried to make some progress here.

"I complain? I whine? I think it was you who was being a baby about this because you didn't get Kelly as your pair. This is one fucking school project so shut the fuck up and do your part of it!"

I had never seen him like this. Usually he would tease me about every single thing I did, but now he acted like I had offended him seriously.

"I am not doing this with you. Tomorrow I'll tell Miss Wentworth that I'm going to do this by my own. You won't stop me getting an A for once in my life", I said and got up. If he wanted to be a jerk, fine! Like I cared at all.

I didn't look back when I closed his door, but I knew he was still sitting on the floor watching me go.

Miss Wentworth looked surprised after I told her the news.

"I am sorry, Zack, but everyone has a pair, and that's the whole idea of this assignment. If you are sure you can't do it, I'm gonna have to fail you", the teacher told me and didn't look happy.

"But Miss Wentworth, I promise I will finish it in time and-"

"Zack, I'm sorry. I don't want to give you an F, so do as you're told and let me continue my work." She looked pretty tired, so I didn't want to bother her anymore.

"This won't kill you, Zack, you know you can do it", Lisa said trying to encourage me.

"Can't we switch? I'll take Screech and you can have Slater. Everyone's happy, everyone will pass!" It sounded like a nice idea, why wouldn't it work?

"We actually asked that already, but it wasn't possible to make changes anymore", Jessie said, "sorry, Zack."

"Oh come on, I would rather have Belding as my pair than that fucking jackass!"

Someone pinched my shoulder. Ouch.

"Look, Preppie has learned some new words! But really, I think it was you who was being a "fucking jackass" about this", I heard Slater saying behind me.

We got interrupted by mr. Belding.

"Language, Slater, Morris, both of you!"

Like we were still in a kindergarten? Can't a man say what he wants without being yelled at?

"Alright, boys, this is ridiculous! I don't feel like being friends with you two, if the only thing you do is fighting over everything", Jessie said, she was really about to get angry.

"Jessie is right. Fix the situation or you'll have to find new friends", Kelly added.

"Come, guys, we don't deserve that. Let's go somewhere we can concentrate."

There we stood speechless as Lisa, Kelly, Jessie and Screech walked away.

We both agreed on getting this finished. Finally.

We were sitting on Slater's floor again, this time we actually did get along, at least we were trying our best.

"So, it's friendship if two people get along, have the same things in common and like to hang out with each other, don't you think?" I asked as I wrote things down again. It felt good to start all over again, and actually making some progress in something that seemed impossible.

"Well, that's not a very deep friendship. I think it's also about understanding each other, accepting other's flaws and imperfections, helping them when they're going through shit and stuff like that. I guess", Slater replied and looked at me.

"That sounds good. What about the problems that might appear?"

"Two different people have different opinions. Not always, but usually yes."

"Friends also apologize for being jerks. Sorry for the book."

"And friends forgive each other. Apology accepted."

I thought we actually HAD a good time with each other, we had no arguments and everything went well. For a long time I was proud of myself. I got something done. It was not much yet, but it was something.

–

At home there were still lights on. I wanted to tell my mom about the day, she had got used to being disappointed all the time. I was sure that this time she would be amazed. Positively!

...So I thought. Mom didn't get home until eleven, and she seemed to be... drunk. Again. It didn't surprise me anymore, but she rather spent time at pubs than at home.

She chose alcohol over me.

 _She chose alcohol over me._

Dad had moved away half a year ago, because mom wouldn't quit drinking like she had promised many times. She wasn't even sorry, she just didn't care. Dad said he didn't want to keep any contact, and suddenly it was only me and mom living in this house.

Their divorce was about them, not me. Their marriage was about them, not me. Their whole lives were about them. Why didn't anybody ask me how I felt?

They set boundaries, they made rules, they punished me for misbehaving and maybe sometimes rewarded me for behaving well. They got disappointed when I brought home bad grades, sometimes tapped me on shoulder when I was doing well at school.

If I felt lonely, they'd say "honey, sometimes life goes like this". If I failed an exam, they would say "well, this was expected". If I got a good grade – which didn't happen too often – they just said "that's nice, Zack" and then kept on doing what they were doing.

But I'm a failure anyway. That's how people have always told me.

 _Zack will never be anything. Look at him, he will end up dead before his 25th birthday._

 _Is he ever going to get a job? Nobody will hire him, if he keeps going on like that._

 _I feel sorry for him. He would have so much but that's what lazy people get, nothing._

It's hard to be a teenager boy if no one has faith in you. If nobody believes you have potential, if nobody thinks you can get through that age.

Mom was drunk as fuck, she mumbled something and went to sit on the couch. Maybe she was happier now than she was when she was sober, and would actually listen to me. Like she would actually say something courageous and be proud of me.

Wrong.

"Zack honey! How are you, blondie?"

 _Blondie?_ She had never called me like that before.

"Mom, guess what, I'm actually getting my school project finished and-" I started, but she had something more important to say.

"Well that's GREAT, darling! Sounds very amazing, sweetie, at least SOMEONE here is getting their shit together! That's incredible, Zackie, you must be very proud!"

She sounded bitter. The situation was worse than it normally would be.

"Come here and let me hug you!" she shouted and grabbed my sweater. Her 'hugging' felt like she'd crush me between her arms. She still didn't let me go, instead she pinched my cheek.

"Mom, uhm... you're hurting me a bit-"

"Oh, now I'm hurting you? So it's YOU who's the real victim here! I'm sorry, darling, I didn't realize how selfish I am!" she went on like this, until she finally let go of me.

"Listen, honey, sometimes life is not only about you. I'm fucking sorry if I hurt my little fragile angel, how does this feel then?"

She had never acted like this before. I was actually scared, I thought she would go so mad that she'd kill me.

She slapped me. First I was so confused, that I fell on the floor. That hurt too.

I decided to get out. It was a stupid thought, but I didn't want to get myself killed, at least by my own mother.

She was yelling something, but I didn't stay to listen, I got my jacket and ran out like crazy.

I had run for two minutes, and mom was running after me. Adrenaline flowed in my veins as I ran for my life, but soon I realized that mom had went back home.

Slater's house was the closest, so I had no other choices. Fortunately he was home.

"Hey man, what's wrong?" he asked with a little grin on his face.

I had to take a moment to catch my breath.

"My mom was about to kill me." I glanced at the mirror – my cheek looked pretty bad. My shoulders hurt. I was hurt. And maybe a bit sad.

"Oh come on, I'm sure she didn't want to ki- god, your cheek doesn't look too good", Slater exclaimed and touched my face slightly, "she... she hit you?"

I almost burst into tears. I was still in shock, confused, scared.

"Look, this is a stupid idea and everything, but can I please stay over the night? I can't go back", I murmured, trying to hold back my tears.

"Of course you can."

An hour later I was sitting on Slater's bed, drinking hot chocolate and wiping away tears from my cheeks.

"Do you feel better now?" Slater asked, and I got chills when I felt his hand petting my back. It was not a sexual touch, more like comforting. Oddly, I liked it.

"Yes, I actually do", I said and smiled a little. I felt a lot better than I wanted to admit.

We had some deep conversations, and somehow it was really nice to talk with Slater.

I felt it was safe to open up to him.

"She's been drinking many years. Dad moved away in February, so I've been living with my mom ever since. He got fed up with her alcoholism, so they got divorced."

Slater stared at me like he wouldn't believe me.

"That's... that's horrible, you know? You gotta tell someone. It's not healthy to live in a family like that", he said after a minute of silence.

 _A family like that._ His words hurt as much as the bruise on my face, but I knew he was right.

When it was three in the morning, we decided to go to sleep. His parents were at their friends, so there was only the two of us. He hadn't prepared for my visitation, so we had to sleep in his bed. Next to each other. First it felt a bit weird, but we had no choice.

In the middle of night I woke up. It was five in the morning, it was still dark outside. Slater's hand was around my waist and my head rested on his chest. My heart was racing faster than ever, but it made me calm down when I felt Slater's warmth.

It was Saturday, so we had no rush to get to school in time.

Later on I realized Slater was lying on top of me, I had my arms around his neck. I ran my fingers through his hair as we... we were kissing each other. Gently and slowly, like it wasn't just some teenager enthusiasm, it was more passionate than the love between main characters in a romantic movie. It felt kind of... _real._

His hand was going down my grotch, but I stopped him.

"What are you doing?" I was full of energy and it did feel like a good idea, I wanted to wipe everything from my mind at that moment. But I still hesitated – what if this led into something that would traumatize me for the rest of my life?

It wasn't the fact that we were both males, it just... it was my first sexual experience ever with anyone.

I still wanted to give it a shot.

"You can say 'no' if you don't like this", Slater whispered as he continued on touching me.

"Go on, I need this. Fuck me."

We spent the whole day just like this.

Our clothes were on the floor, making it messier that it already was. We kissed each other again and again and again – even when my eyes were closed, I knew Slater smiled against my lips.

And all of this felt so wrong but still so fucking right.

Until we heard the door opening. Luckily Slater's room's door was closed. I had never dressed up as quickly.

"Hello Slater, hello Zack", said Slater's mom with a wide smile.

I had my sweater backwards and I had accidentally put on Slater's socks instead of mine, but I didn't care. His parents didn't notice anything anyway.

Something went wrong between me and Slater, again. We had an opportunity to continue our project at school, and so we did – with bad results.

He was himself again, he teased me and just pissed me off. On purpose of course.

He called me 'Preppie' as usual. He was totally a different person than he had been before this week.

Why was everything going downhill?

"It's not that bad. It doesn't have to be that in-depth, Morris! Otherwise Miss Wentworth will think we're some kind of best buddies or something."

"Would it be a bad thing? If we just do it this way, we'll surely get the best grade in the class", I tried. Of course he didn't listen.

"No, it will just not look good if we delve into this too much. We'll get an F just for having the most boring assignment", Slater groaned. Why did I even try?

"For ONCE in my miserable life I want my school project to be perfect, I don't understand why you are so against this being a bit more interesting."

"It's not interesting, it's boring! Let's do this later, okay? My place at seven tonight", he suggested and left the classroom.

I knocked on the door, and I was about to step in when it opened – but behind the door wasn't Slater, it was his parents, who were apparently going out again.

"Hi Zack! Are you looking for Slater?" his mother asked nicely and for a second I wished she was my mother.

"Yes, we were supposed to finish our school project. I brought my camera", I said and smiled politely, my parents _had_ taught me some manners. God, I sounded like over-excited five-year-old kid. Or like some geek.

"Oh, right. Look, Zack, Slater is not home right now", mama Slater explained and looked like she couldn't find words to tell what exactly was the situation. I didn't want to interrupt her, even though I had some questions to ask.

"He said he was going out with a girl... I can't remember her name. A friend of yours I guess, Kayla? Kate? Kellie? Anyway, he said he'll be back in two hours", she said and asked her husband to close the door.

"Do you want to go in and wait for him? It's getting cold here", daddy Slater said and held the door open. I stepped in, said a silent 'thank you' as they closed the door and left.

Well, it was okay if he was a bit late. Not like I was always in time, and maybe he just wanted to have some fun before this school thing.

I decided to go and see, how did his house look like. It was bigger than ours, there were photos hanging on the wall. They seemed to be a happy family, much happier than mine was.

I went to Slater's room, and as always I sat on the floor and got my stuff out of my backpack. I had taken my camera for pictures, so our project wouldn't be just some text, but I didn't think Miss Wentworth would be satisfied if there were pictures of me only.

I had sat there for four hours, it was quarter past eleven. I was getting tired, so I put my stuff back. I had to leave, it was a school night and I was supposed to be sleeping right now.

I got out the house when suddenly I heard someone.

Slater came just around the corner with Kelly, they were even holding hands.

"Oh. Hey, Preppie, look, I was just-" Slater began his sentence, but I had had enough.

"My first name is Zack, and by the way thanks a lot for standing me up."

I walked past the two and didn't look back until I was sure I couldn't see the happy couple anymore.

I did my best avoiding Slater at school, just thinking about him definitely pissed me off right now.

"Hey, Morris, what's wrong? Look, I'm sincerely sorry for what happened, but I couldn't do much about it", Slater started to explain, and he looked like he was serious. For a moment I was ready to forgive him – I remembered the talk about friends forgiving each other.

"Besides, what does a stupid school project even matter? Just another presentation, like we don't have those already enough", he said like all the work we had done was all of sudden _nothing._

"A stupid school project? I spent two and a half weeks with my worst enemy just to finally get something done, and now you're saying it doesn't matter anyway? Do you understand how much I've put into this? The one project I'm ready to put all my effort and time into, and you just think it's... useless? Didn't you learn anything during these weeks? We've had conversations about friendship and what a friend actually means, we've opened up to each other, and I've in fact felt like we've got closer-"

What a speech.

"Whoa there!" Slater looked confused, "are you saying you think we became _friends_?"

What else then?

"Well, you helped me when I needed it, you let me stay over at your house and made me feel better, you talked with me, we had sex-"

"Shut up! What should I have done, kick you out and send you somewhere else? We're never going to be boyfriends, pals, buddies, mates, friends, whatever you wanna call it", Slater said. What the hell was going on?

But then I realized.

"You persuaded me to tell you personal details about everything I would never tell anyone, you were being so nice to me, you let me sleep next to you, you kissed me... you fucked me, god dammit! You fucking used me!" I didn't care if the whole school heard me. Good if I was loud enough, it was exactly what that bastard deserved.

I got the hell out of school and ran home. I felt so alone, I knew I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't feel like I even had any friends left. Jessie, Lisa, Kelly and Screech had made pretty clear that they wouldn't be our friends anymore if we couldn't get along. And now everything was going downhill again.

The project was due next day, and I definitely wasn't going to fail the course just because Slater decided to act like a total idiot. Like I wasn't a loser already, he had to make feel myself even more worthless. Great.

Luckily I had taken several pictures, but Slater had thought they weren't clear enough. But why would I had cared about him? He had given zero shits about me.

Fuck the whole assignment, I put all the pictures on the cardboard. I arranged the pictures nicely, so my work wouldn't look messy.

The result was better than I had expected.

I was nervous when I entered the classroom and gave my work to Miss Wentworth. I was satisfied with the result, but I wasn't sure if it was just what she wanted us to do.

But I had tried my everything, I couldn't do more.

I saw Slater staring at me, trying to get my attention. I didn't want to give him that pleasure, I wasn't that easy. At least anymore.

Miss Wentworth presented our project first. I was a nervous wreck, what would she say?

"The idea of this one is good, it's a great example of 'friendship', which was the main topic of this assignment", and that's how she went on for five minutes. I was too stressed to listen, I just wanted her to grade it.

"A plus on trying and putting time in this!"

That's what I was waiting for the whole time, and that's what I deserved. An A plus on doing something right.

Everyone was clapping their hands and smiling, no one had thought that Zack Morris could do it. Jessie, Kelly, Screech and Lisa were all smiling and telling how proud they were.

Slater came to me me and all of sudden he kissed me in front of whole class.

I blushed harder than I'd ever had.

"I'm really, sincerely, honestly sorry about what I said the other day. Would you please forgive me? As a friend?"

I just smiled and kissed him back as I felt his lips smiling against mine.


End file.
